Caitlin Woodward - Simply me. Undoubtedly His.

When God Tucked Me In

Thu, 4 Mar 2010 00:00:00 GMT

I keep old journals. I think it's nostalgic, educational, and entertaining to read the past. As I was away on the World Race a couple years ago my mom even printed out each blog entry for me and kept them in a folder. Last night I needed some bedtime reading so I pulled out the World Race blogs of '08.

This is what I stumbled on - A letter I had written to myself after spending a few weeks listening to the Lord in Costa Rica. I don't remember this being super significant two years ago, but last night it was. Last night I heard Abba's voice reading it to me - bringing me joy and tears as He tucked me into bed...

cait-e girl,

I know you. I know your heart.

I like seeing you smile when something I do makes you laugh. You have a beautiful smile. I made you that way.

I like when you look at my kids...really look at them. They appreciate it too. You are taking the time to see them how I see them. Aren't they so special! I gave them each a special noise - it's a melody that I created specifically for them. You don't know them all but I see you trying to listen. Quiet down what's inside of you, Cait. Just listen to My music in them. They each have something priceless to show you about Me. Thank you for taking care of them. And remember to pause and listen when you don't get it. You go too fast sometimes. You don't know everything and that's why you need Me.

I'm a mystery, but you have your whole life to know Me more and into eternity. That leaves us a long time to be together. Thank you for being open and willing. Not many people are but I still love them immensely! Just like you. I want you to know though that there will be more. More times when I show up in unexpected ways, more times when I cross the boundary of convenience, more times I'll mess with structure and time. Be flexible. It doesn't mean I'm getting further from you just the image you have of Me is getting bigger. No matter what I will always be enough for you!

So will you please keep calling out with the creative passion I made you with! You don't need an invitation. I am your invitation. Your invitation to breath, to live, to love more deeply than you can on your own. In fact, let Me do more! Relax and trust Me! I'm smiling over you but wondering why you are still confused. I gave you the peace you asked for. Everything will be fine. Don't throw away the gifts I'm giving you. Give them away but don't throw them away. Share My love with others. You can do it.

Hand me your heart again. Each morning I'm ready for it. You have no idea how much healing I still want to do within you. You're so beautiful to Me now but remember we're making you more like My Son. Don't worry just keep looking My way. It's gonna hurt sometimes but I will be closer than you know. You wanted My heartbeat, right? I want to get My hands dirty for you - are you willing to do the same in the mean time? I know things get busy and there is a lot to think about but don't forget Me. Don't forget all I've taken you through, all I've gotten to show you and teach you. I am still the same God. I've saved and healed you before. Let Me do it again. And again, and again....

I love you! Close your eyes and whisper it. Now open your brown eyes and laugh it out of your soul. Give Me a grin and shout it! I like hearing your voice. Talk to Me more, will you? And just be you. As we walk, talk, laugh, cry, dance, and love all I want is you. We don't need a certain time or place. Me and you is more than another one-on-one, OK? So, just love. Love like I told and showed you how to love. Like I love you. Breathe deep - you don't have to get overwhelmed. I'll walk you through this and give you grace with each step. I love you that much. And others need to see and feel My love through you, too. Please. I'll tell you what to do. And I've kinda preferred obedience to flattery. Walk your talk, sweetheart.

Now go and be the you I've always loved and always will. I promised Myself to you so I'm not going anywhere. Hand in hand you are always home.

Continue to share your stories with Me and for Me. They're pretty cool.

Love you,
Abba

>>> Dear blog reader,

This is my prayer for you - that you may find time to pause life and listen. Rest in the Lord's arms and receive all the blessing and favor He wants to pour over you. I pray that today you may hear His voice. That He may call you by name. I pray a supernatural comfort and blessing of peace upon your life. You are special. You are adored. You are priceless. And God loves you so very much!

Speaking English. Spending dollars. And seeking Kingdom.

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

It's kinda late. Worn out. I wanted to make this short. I've been thinking a lot of what to share with you. This way I will hopefully condense it and offer the last couple weeks of my life in a concentrated dose.

Obviously, I am back in the states. After four of, possibly, the best months I've ever had I flew back to Georgia after squad leading the World Race K-squad. I completely fell in love with each of them. I miss them dearly and pray for them everyday.

Coming home to the states was a good thing. Great thing actually. Hard. Didn't anticipate the hard. But it's a good hard.

I didn't have a plan. God showed me some things while I was still with my kids. (And by kids I mean my Racers which come with an average age of about 24.) I knew I was promised Africa but now wasn't my time. From that I knew God still had something in mind for just me. I knew I needed a time away from programs and the obligatory responsibility of working in ministry. I wanted to simply love Jesus and love others. Kinda like a break. Kinda a jump into something new.

I want to live by faith. Every day. All the time. Different country. Same God. What's the difference? In a way I wanted - and still do sometimes - to prove to everyone that God is God and He's still in the game of doing miracles, bringing Kingdom, and showing glory. Sorry, I need to learn to relax. Give it up again and let God do His God thing. I don't need to prove anything. It's His glory. Working on it...

Right before New Year I met up with some friends in Michigan. Long story, short - I chatted with an old friend of mine. Same passion for Jesus. Similar desire to seek God on a daily basis...not just when we're expected to. Two weeks later I found myself sitting on her couch. We've been roommates for a month now.

I moved to Indiana in a cold city outside Indianapolis. Hard. But loving it! This is where I am now. Without family close. Without a job. Without familiarity. Without comfortable. Without any idea what each day holds. GOD IS FAITHFUL. In all His greatness and faithfulness, I know God knows what He's doing. And, ha, He's bringing me closer and closer to His heart everyday.

A beautiful pain I wish I could explain in words...

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans for hope and a future.

Brian and Stacy Alonzo and I worked with the K-squad for four months living fully off support raised by loving friends and family. In order to return to the field to participate in addition debriefs for this squad it will require additional funds. Please consider helping us financially and prayerfully. It's the Body of Christ working together to bring Kingdom! Bless you!

The Thing with Me and Uganda

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Some rumors have gone out. Here's the true story of how AWESOME and FAITHFUL our loving God is...

Oct 4
I was in Serbia with two of my World Race teams. I received an email from my friend Claud with "prayer" in the subject line. Simply out, Claud and his wife Mary wanted to know how they could be praying for me on a deeper level. Seriously!? I replied quickly - Of course I wanted...and needed prayer. And especially from these two amazing people! They had recently moved back to Africa with their two Swazi daughters. This time they were scouting out a place to call home in Uganda.

*Long story short - met Claud and Mary Crosby at my first training camp with AIM the summer of 2002 before they were married. 2003 I went on a trip with Claud. Kept in touch, supported, and have prayed for them every since.*

Oct 5
Journal:
...Lord, what if You want me to go to Uganda? What would it be like for us if I really gave up everything?

Got an email back from Claud looking forward to some regular emails, prayer requests, and updates.

Talked with my good friend, Ellen, for an hour and a half. She had something to tell me about Africa too! We swapped stories. Mine about the Crosby family and Uganda. Hers about her church's involvement with Hope Chest in...Uganda!

Oct 6
Taking a leap of faith from a gut feeling, I emailed Claud and Mary back asking them if I could live in community with them in Uganda for a time.

Talked with good friends and mentors of mine, the Patricks, for another hour and a half. Shared my heart and options seeking more prayer and peace about Uganda.

Oct 7
Received the exciting email from Claud:
In short we have had an interesting experience with the Lord this week, which I believe fits with what you have requested. A few nights ago I had a dream of a number of young people(westerners) sitting around a big dining room table and we were sharing about the voice of the Lord together. As I woke, knowing the dream was from God I began to pray and felt God telling me he was going to send others from other places around the world to come and live with us, some short and some longer term. I kept this to myself for the day. Then when I returned home at the end of the day Mary had been on the internet and told me she was searching for houses for rent in one of the cities we are considering living in. She could only find one house, but it was gorgeous, and had not only the main house, but also had three apartments on the same property. Even more interesting, it had just become available this week for rent, and also had some beds and a few piece of furniture that would remain in the house, one of which was a big dining room table with chairs, just like the one in my dream. SO we contacted the guy and he said it is indeed available and we plan to go and see the place later this week once we get our car sorted out. The price of the house and apartments is high for just us as a family, but very reasonable if we had some others joining us for a season, so we began to pray about if this was the place God had chosen and whom he might send. All that suffice to say we see God in all of this, and believe that you might be the first person of a number who come and share life and the Kingdom with us in community. So Mary and I are all for it and say come on!

Journal:
So much to be grateful for. You're taking me to Uganda to be in community with Claud and Mary. Tell me when - let doors be opened, provide financially. Bring me strength to carry on with zealous love.

Oct 13
Details discussed.

(Before I left Serbia I had conversations with AIM and my parents. Flights, timing, and blessings from both were arranged. Tentatively planning on being in Uganda January-April.)

Oct 16
Journal:
...And what's my mistake? What could I have done better? My heart started to grieve when I realized I have about $100 in the bank, $100 in my pocket...then about $20,000 in school/AIM debt...with an expected three months living in Africa to only spend $500-$800 per month. I HAVE NOTHING OF MY OWN!

Oct 20
Email from Claud about prices and dates for my hopeful arrival into Uganda in January.

Oct 22
Journal:
-Mom and Dad gave me $2000 for support. It made me cry. Ashley gave me $100 - touched my heart SO much that my good friend and single mom would do that. And Becky even gave me $50. You are AWESOME.
-Uganda is still the plan. Help me out, Lord. You are the "how". Tell me specifics = when do You want me to be there? Speak softly and often.

Oct 23
Email from Claud:
...I wanted to share a little more personally where we are on things before we move too fast on you coming. My reason being we are wrestling to get settled. First of all know we deeply want you to be with us if possible and trust that if it is God it will happen...

All in the financial unknown. Keep praying.

Oct 30
Email from Claud:
...Hopefully this does not disturb your plans to much, but we have determined to limit this time in Uganda to an exploratory visit instead of planting our family here. There are a number of reasons for doing this that I can share at a later time, but wanted to communicate with you as soon as we knew so you can plan your year...

No Uganda for now. But LOTS of peace.

Nov 2
Journal:
Saturday I shared with them (the squad) how You closed the door for me to go to Uganda at this time. Sweet obedience. Claud emailed me on Friday sharing with me how it would be best for Mary. Thanks for loving me. It was good to share this with the squad.

When I shared my Uganda story with the entire squad in Bulgaria I was kinda hesitant. What would be the point. OK, God here we go. I had shared with everyone throughout the month how awesome God had been. How many impossible doors were opened. How excited I was for this seemingly impossible adventure. And God is faithful. Even though in the end the door was closed...for now...God is still my God. And when we say yes to Him we say yes! We keep our hands out and open and our God gives and takes away. 'Cause He is God and we are not.

Now

Since then I've gotten a lot of confirmations through prayers and prophesies that some day I will go to Uganda. Some day the Lord will send me there. For however long for whatever reasons. And I pray that when that time comes I can still look to Him and say, "Here I am, Lord. Send me." Until then let's just take one day at a time...

Getting to hang out with Claud and Mary in South Africa in 2008 on my first World Race.

Old picture of the Crosby family in Swaziland.

Love this tribe!

Click here to visit the Crosby family blog!

Favorite Moments Spent With You

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Dearest K-squad,

First, I will apologize to the people in the photographs. I had a limited selection of pictures to choose from. But just to put it out there - I think you all have pretty darn amazing faces whether its captured in a good picture or not. Let's face it - you're hot! And (un)fortunately, this isn't Facebook so you don't get to untag yourself.

Secondly, you all have given me some of the best times I'll never forget in these past few months. Thank you for everything you have taught and experienced with me. In the last few days I've been reflecting on the good, the bad, and everything in between. Here are some of my favorite moments that were spent just with you...

Amanda - Remember how the two of us were kinda dying to get into the hospital in Moldova - no pun intended. Finally we just went for it. We walked around trying to get into the locked and semi-guarded building. You were all into going farther and deeper each step we took. We were trying to be sneaky. Then I was the random one that stepped on the scale just for fun. Or how about that time when you chased the cows on our hike to Ukraine. Sorry you never caught them.

Andrea - There was that one time...and then another...when you play David. In 2 consecutive countries your acting skills came into use. Still think that it was nearly hilarious how you guys chose to pop out of the door in Dublin - enter David, stage left. And out you came! Goliath never stood a chance. Or, how about each time I seem to go running with you something entertaining always happens...nice.

April - Crazy how we're connected to random people outside of the Race! I enjoyed staying with the JOHOLO girls in Colraine...the sanctuary. I'm so very glad you're here and adore how much you love the people around you!

Bambi - I liked how we ended up hanging out and chatting a lot more in Moldova. I left that place thinking, "Um, pretty sure Bambi's not the quiet one anymore." Oh, and these shoes. You were non-stop entertainment those few days in Budapest.

Bethany - O man! Remember when we took the overnight train to Moldova? And then we had the border cross check in the middle of the night. And that's when the bathroom on the train smelled like rotting...you know what...and you stuck my lotion practically up your nose to avoid the smell. Wow. And then I loved when in Hungary when you were reading and sharing The Heavenly Man to us all...you're gonna kick butt this year!

Birkleigh - Um, pretty much ev'ryshing....but 'member that one time we ended up praying on the shady balcony in Sofia? Just you and me.

Brian - I've really been awakened to see the love you have for our generation especially when its expressed through worship. Thanks for when you step out to prophesy over our men. Loved that time at the Awakening when you called out our guys...rise up, Church! Also, maybe, every time you mentioned purchasing tickets home...may have made me giggle...whether I should have laughed or not thanks for lightening the mood at times. And one last thing...thanks for letting me curse out loud when I needed to. You know the time I'm talking about.

Casey - Favorite moment? Maybe every time I see your out of control excitement for life. I hope you and Erin get to bike or run through or jump off of something soon...'cause you're in a whole new library to do it in, ya know.

Daina - Again, thank you for letting me inspire the fohawk on your head. Though I had no idea how it would really turn out. Also, it'll be hard to forget watching your baptism via internet and youtube...and how much I laughed.

Danielle - Two words: Gopher. Girl.

David - There was that time we had to wait. Which time you may ask? When we left Northern Ireland and all 4 teams were waiting on the bus so the driver could rest an extra half hour. But you jumped out and played frisbee with me in the parking lot instead. Thanks. You've got great skills, bro.

Dez - You know how beautiful Croatia was? I liked that short walk we took along the rocky coast in Pula. And maybe every time you hold a guitar and open your mouth to let heaven reign down. That's pretty awesome too.

Dodge - Heather! Remember when we parted in Budapest after a great couple of days in Pecs? I was sad about missing your birthday and you hadn't really really left yet so you heard me talking (good) about you...then you took your team to TGI Fridays and just told me about it. I'm OK with it...but I still missed you.

Drea - Dang girl. You love hard! I remember you making all sorts of connections and friends in Belgrade. And then we had that divine appointment for tea at Anne's house. Thank you so much for taking me along! I'll take you and Jesus with my tea and prayers any day.

Erin - Your Spirit at the AWAKENING was so alive! The "Holy Spirit" night was incredible. It was funny to me how I tried so hard to pray for you first but the room was so crowded I couldn't get to you. Then at the end when they were pushing us all out of the room you came up to me. Basically you couldn't stand still you were so excited, so alive, so in love with the Lord's presence! Let's pray together again soon!

Grant - Remember that one time I gave you a super-hero name: Quick Red McGee. And then when the night came for everyone to unveil their heroic costumes I couldn't even look at you in the man thong and biker shorts. O my...oh my.

Higgins - Maybe I'll remember all the times you were real with me. And when you provided me a safe place in Hungary. Thanks.

Hollis - I liked your birthday lunch in Moldova. Lots of great people together for a great celebration. Oh!...and you know what just went through my head? That tiny, high-pitched, little elf voice you use sometimes. Oh, my Hollis!

Jen - My favorite moment with you goes all the way back to training camp in April. Jake felt led to pray for you so he just pulled me along. He prayed and prayed and you cried and cried. I thought you kinda looked like a Barbie doll. More praying. More crying. Then you were called out to pray and prophesy over me. I have it written in my journal that it was "the most powerfully prophetic prayer" I had ever recieved. You weren't a Barbie doll anymore. Now you were Xena the warrior princess.

Joe - You were the first one-on-one I had with a dude from our squad. Remember that afternoon? I went with your team to the indoor community pool where everyone had to wear a swim cap. Then there was that one old guy in a speedo who occasionally interrupted our conversation just by walking by. Hot.

Joel - Though the sight of you as the Clothespin Creeper may, unfortunately, never leave me...My favorite afternoon with you was when we went to the skate park in Osijek. I was really excited to hang out with all of you but really tired too. So you bought me an energy drink! Thanks! And then you entertained my dorky idea to chicken fighting at the skate park...which gave us something to do because we didn't have anything to skate with.

Julia - There were a couple late nights in the kitchen in Northern Ireland when you really didn't mind that I processed the day with you when everyone else was asleep. And I really felt special when I finally got a one-on-one coffee date with you in Belgrade. I love seeing you with your teams and how much you care about them. You're a blessing!

Katie - Never, never will I forget that one night in Moldova. Forget how they feel about clapping and dancing! We were yelling out the prophetic and praying for that nation and our squad till we were breathless! Thank you for going there with me! Waiting for more moments like that!

Kristin - O my love. How faithful you are. You know that day we hiked three hours...to Ukraine. And then we were shown a rive to jump into. Man, that was fun. O wait...but then you were supposed to jump in with me. Holding hands and everything. Instead I jumped off the rock by myself. Alone. Without you. Thanks for that one, love.

Leize-Marie - You are one crazy chick. Seeing you play with the kids in Moldova with all that energy kinda exhausted me. Thanks for having fun with those kids, your team, and basically everyone you are around.

Lindsay - Maybe one of my favorite random moments in Ireland was with you. Can you guess it? That afternoon Higgs, you, and I went to the women's tea party. Along with eating way to many desserts we ended up singing in that cow field. Singing praises and declaring God's Kingdom over the nation. Then we prayed healing over one of the women there. Wow. That's our life!

Liz - Just about everything. You know that the first week I was with you guys in Ireland I kinda didn't even know we had a Liz on our squad. But I was so glad you sought me out for good conversation. And then we got to hang out for a day in Colraine...'member when we finally found each other on the beach and started running. Great embrace! Good times.

Madeline - Cleaning the dungeon with you and Roshanne in Dublin...wow, I love your facial expressions. By far that was the greatest way to start my Race with you girls. You're hilarious.

Maldonado - Out of everyone on the K squad you're the one I've known the longest. I remember each detail of the night I met you at your first training camp. I was on my way to the Atlanta airport for some other Racers when we found out that AIM forgot to pick you up as well. When I called you said, "I've got long hair and look like Pocahantus. You can't miss me." I didn't. And you talked the WHOLE way back to Gainesville. It was great!

Martha - Oh, how I really really liked that pub dinner in Ireland with your old team. So glad I finally got all you guys at once. Fun night at dinner then waiting for the bus and riding it back. Maybe the most obnoxiously loud crew...but you know how to have a good time.

Matt - I thought it was really exciting how excited you got about being able to play ultimate...even in the rain of Ireland! That was a great day. But then there was that time you made me cry...because I was laughing so hard. Remember the night you tried to jump up that wall in Croatia...but you missed...and straddled it for a second instead. Ouch. I did a pretty good reenactment for it though, I thought, for the people that missed it the first time.

The Murphy's - Possibly this month was the best 'cause we finally had time to hang out in person! Denise, I remember taking my first run in Colraine with you. We ran in the wet but we talked about family and Jesus and life on the Race. Speaking of running. Mike, running through Istanbul with you to "hunt down" the teams...not only was it fun and spontaneous, but we probably looked hilarious and ridiculous. I thought it was GREAT. Keep running the race you two!

Nicole - Remember when we took the metro back to Punch's place in Budapest? You couldn't move your "boobs" fast enough. Oh, oh! How about when you told me that you could speak in tongues for the first time! Oh girly, I love rejoicing over you!

Paul - Hey, crazy dude. You know how the internet can be so overrated sometimes. So without it we did gymnastics in the family room of our place in Ireland. Few months later it was good to be reminded of how much we enjoy the crazy things in life. So after our hike in Pecs we jumped on that big stack of hay bails. And I got stuck.

Ralph - First...I liked when I got to know you and know that you're not really quiet. You don't mind sharing your story and thought. It began in the kitchen at Adre's house in Moldova when I got to hear Ralph's story from high school til now. And did you know that when you were getting the tattoo done that I designed for you I almost cried. Yup, actual tears. Love you, bro!

Reed - Heather Reed! Your joy overflows! Though it was just a short time I remember talking with you the first week in Ireland at that camp. Your family had just experienced a loss but you were so in love with the Lord and how He had brought you around the world to serve Him. He's your first love and I experience that with every hug I get from you.

Stacy - You are darling. You inspired me to find out more random facts from everyone on the squad. I liked sitting with you under the tent at the camp in Ireland learning your family was from Romania. And you spoke Romanian. Wow. You're talented and beautiful!

Stacy Alonzo - Oh, Mrs. Alonzo! I'm so glad God paired us together for this amazing job. Remember at Launch training when we basically jogged to and from McDonald's. And in that time we scarfed down our dinner AND shared our life stories with each other. This has been a unique journey for the three of us. Remember when we were walking through Pula. I had just mentioned how I am not a fan of cobblestone streets. You two are. Then you laid the smack down on that cobblestone street with your face. I didn't laugh then, but when you think about it...the incident did have humorous timing. I have LOVED having you here for this!

Tamica - Hey friend. I really liked when we got to Turkey and had that walk back from the ferry. We decided we wanted to be real friends. And then there was that night later when we watched Now and Then. I think that's when it happened. Great memories to follow as friends. Oh, the first might be me getting crapped on by that stupid lucky Turkish seagull. Hmmm, thanks for being here!

Tim - Timmy!! I'm so glad you're here too. If it wasn't for you I would have never experienced such a great 'First Time Surfing' day. That I owe all to you. Oh, but remember how there's more waves in a bathtub then there were that day. Not only the most waveless beach in Ireland, but in all the beaches I've ever seen around the world. Which made it all the more hysterical and memorable: two Racers in wet-suits just bobbing in the ocean...for about an hour.

Tres - Dude, I just like talking with you. Like that one time in Moldova. Remember the night when we were sitting in the yard debriefing the day. It was late I guess and dark...being that it was night and all. Larissa came over to tell me good-night. Ha, and you scared her 'cause she couldn't see you until you smiled. On another note...how about that time we got to walk Jack back to his class in Budapest. Getting excited about His Kingdom and Church! I'm ready for that again.

Weaver - We brought those Oreos to you special at the Awakening debrief. I didn't think they would make you cry. In fact I didn't know much about you. That's why I think in Budapest when we recognized that fact of not knowing...we took it on boldly. We smiled. Then I kinda jumped on you where you were sitting in the family room of the Long's house and we held hands for a moment. I hear you're pretty great. Looking forward to more from you.

Williamson - Finally, we had our chance to do cookie dough church! And I was so pumped that you were the one I got to share it with. Thanks for going all in on that with me. You know what I also loved? That apple tea time at the cat infested restaurant in Istanbul. It was pretty sweet talking about boys with you. Good times. Good times.

Finally, I miss you so much! Enjoy your last days of ministry this month. Looking forward to a great family get together for Thanksgiving! I'll be waiting for hugs!

All my love and prayers,
Caitlin

When I Take Myself Too Seriously

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Yesterday I spent the first half of the day in a deep funk. There was a lot of my plate and even more going through my mind. Nothing was satisfying. I wasn't feeling well and didn't know which way to go. Part confusion, part delirious. I crawled into my top bunk bed for the third or so time that morning. Beginning to journal...

My lungs are tired. My throat is tired. My eyes, mind, and heart are tired. The Spirit keeps me fighting. 18 days. What do You want today to be?

I slept. I tried to pray. Tried to read.

Luke 12 is good.

Beware of the Leaven of the Pharisees (vs. 1-3)
>>I was worried about the issues and lies our generation has been fed. More worried when the people I love are walking in that untruth. How can I help them? How can I bring them light? When will the breaking point come? When will they get it?

Have No Fear (vs. 4-5)
>>This is hard. It's the best job I've ever been a part of but it beats me down nearly everyday. I am weak. The Lord is my strength. That's good. I'm not always going to be treated well, but I don't have to fear. He's taking great care of me.

Acknowledge Christ Before Men (vs. 9)

>>I'm in a new room at the hostel here in Istanbul. Tamica and I are sharing it with 3 other women. Naomi from India was the first in there that we got to meet. The first night we exchanged stories of where we were from and why we were all in Turkey. Naomi shared with great joy and love stories of her daughter who will be joining her next week. Tamica and I kinda beat around the bush about why we ended up in Turkey with a large group. We never mentioned Jesus' name.

Do Not Be Anxious (vs. 22-23)
>>Where will I live when I return to the states? What happens with the only 40% of support I've raised? There's so much more I should/could be doing? How's this going to turn out?

You Must Be Ready (vs. 35-37)

>>Am I? I'm still in my pajamas at 3 in the afternoon.

>>>>Tired of my whining yet? Hold on. This is worth it. God redeemed my day! Remember that time in Moldova?<<<<

By 3 o'clock we figured the rest of the day was open. Brian, Stacy, Mike, Denise, Tamica and I have developed into our own small squad leader team. Scene set.

The married couples were busy. Tamica and I had the freedom to just go! Now I was ready. Without an agenda but to find the bus station we set out into the city.

Walking to the tram the two of us dove into how we were really doing. I had my long list. I began unloading...

Istanbul is by water. Water means lots of seagulls. A flock flew over us. Tamica covered her head. I thought about it. For about half a second. Kept walking. Kept talking.

Splat.

Something just happened to land on my head. We stopped. I turned to Tamica. Eeew!! She pulled out tissues I pulled out my water and through a lot of laughter she tried to wipe the bird poop of my head and back.

We started drawing a crowd. One Turkish man noticed our unfortunate situation.

"You are lucky."

"I just got crapped on by a bird. I wouldn't call this lucky."

"But think. There are a million people in the city. And it picked you."

Seriously? Oh, how the Lord knows I like to smile. I got washed up. Tamica and I walked arm in arm to the tram still laughing. I was humbled. Ha! I couldn't even finish my long list of lamentations.

Tram to the metro. Squished like cattle. Metro to the bus station. Which by the way looks exactly all the same in about 7 different ways. Shops, stairs, clocks, parking lots. Night was coming and I just walked around the same kebab stand about 13 times. Spirit on us, protected by angels we made it home safe and sound. World traveling is crazy. And this is my life.

Back at the hostel. I picked up a 30 cent loaf of bread for dinner. Walked into my room to wash my hands. Naomi was there. In the bathroom I whispered a quick prayer, "God make this happen."

Just me and Noami. We shared about our days. Then about life. Then about religion. Then about You, Lord! She has one of the most giving and joyful hearts. She gets need. She gets poverty and the action needed around the world. And she shared with me how simple this really is, "You love God. And you love people." Yes!

I came out of my room after that inspiring chat wanting to change the world.

The night continued with an impromptu waffle dinner with team Sofia. They are pretty amazing. I might have chopped Joe's finger with my butter knife as he reached for our last bite of ice cream Liz and I were splitting. Sorry, Joe.

Back at the hostel restaurant with the six of us. This has become some what of an office for us. Emails, budget, planning, communicating...lots to do. Mike and I got bored.

"Let's go hunt down the teams!"

And we were off! 4 of the 6 teams from the K squad are dispersed on this side of Istanbul. Mission, ready, go! We gave ourselves 20 minutes and started running.

Ha! Team Fresh. Team Mosaic. Team Sofia. 3/4 not bad. Passing. Time deduction 'cause it actually took us an hour. But we ran. Bonus. Seeing the faces on all our surprised Racers: priceless! Love them!! The refresh me so much!

11 PM. Finished watching the last half hour of Little Miss Sunshine with Tamica. The best last half hour of that movie.

Lights out. Smiling. Won't take myself too seriously next time.

Good day. Good God.

Amen!

God and the Church

Mon, 2 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Here are the last 14 members of the K squad to be introduced. Listen carefully - they say some great stuff.

God and the world

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Teams Kingdom Unity and Petra in Croatia. LOVE them too!

God and me

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Our squad is separated into three countries this month. I figured as I traveled around I would ask them some questions. This is also my way of introducing you as a blog reader to more of the August K-squad.

Weak - (adj.) lacking power

Tue, 6 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Dang. I'm amazed. I've read His Word before. I've heard His voice and have some understanding of His power at this point in my life. But, OH, how He proves Himself over and over.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-11

Grace. As I'm learning to lead I find myself not always "liking" each person or circumstance every time. These fleshly moments allow for His glory to shine more brightly as my limits get blown away by His power. Through Christ I get to LOVE them. I get to boast in my weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecution, and difficulties. For there has been a growing number of them. But I think I knew that a little bit stepping into the Race for a second time: I can't do it by myself. [PS. it's not just the World Race part 2 for me...this abandonment is now a growing lifestyle...]

For the moment let me again boast in my weakness. For starters let's go back to the "Holy Spirit Night" at the Awakening. The last night of the week-long conference the squad leaders and staff were asked to be ready to pray for the participants after the teaching. I was exhausted. Stacy was witting next to me and she was getting sick. Brian was next to her and he asked, "Seriously?" We were up with none of ourselves left to give. "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." That night was one of the most powerful nights of the week. Never before had the power of the Holy Spirit moved so strongly through me before. I was amazed with a huge smile as I prayed for the Racers one by one. "God, You're really doing all this through me right now aren't you?...Thanks."

After a few days of rest in Brasov, Romania I hopped the train to find two of the teams serving here in Belgrade, Serbia for the month. I arrived tired from travel and confused about the team's ministry and culture. It has taken me a day or two to adjust to the teams when I visit but this time I wanted to skip the adjustment period. Let's just get things fixed and move one. Nope. I think God's been wanting to move His strength in me on a more permanent basis.

Each morning pray for His voice. Each day seek His face and grace in each of the Racers. Each opportunity seek His heart for this city and nation. Each meal and conversation give thanks and praise to the Lord.

Interesting to me that as His strength is growing more in my weakness we are in one of the weakest countries I've seen this year. It's delicate and hungry for true love and genuine salvation. It's history is bathed in bloodshed and war. It's people see abortion as just another form of birth control. Though the people we've met are inviting there seems to be a weight of a burdened past holding something back. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

The discernment and prayers of the Racers here are learning His strength. They see hope for Serbia. They see His power and love in this place and prophesy Serbia as a nation that will soon spark with God's true life. It's on the verge of revival.

Maybe this can be another testimony of God's strength in a weak nation. Please pray for the Racer's work in Serbia. Pray for Serbia! We've got teams in Croatia and Hungary this month. Other World Race squads are in Montenegro, Albania, Macedonia, Ukraine, Turkey and the newest one is in Guatemala. Thanks for the prayers for God's strength!

...our two teams and new friends at the international church service this past Sunday...

Our travels to Serbia - blog by Aaron

Sat, 3 Oct 2009 00:00:00 GMT

From my squad-mate and J-squad leader buddy Aaron Bruner:

"Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it."

Hebrews 13:1-2

God's provision absolutely amazes me. The more and more times that I walk into a situation completely relying on the Lord, the more often he reveals his nature of provision and protection. Let me explain.

During the Awakening Conference, I had the privilege of meeting several members from the H squad. One of these members is a woman of God named Liz Froba. Through meeting her, some amazing things happened. And when I say amazing, this is more than just pure coincidence, it is divine appointment. As I was making travel plans for Caroline and I this month to get to Montenegro, I realized we had to travel to Timisoara, Romania to get to Serbia, and ultimately to reach our destination in Montenegro. After looking at some different sites, I could not find a cheap place to stay for the life of me and it was starting to look like we'd be spending the night at the train station to catch a train at 6am to Belgrade, Serbia from Timisoara. This was gonna be rough and I was getting a bit discouraged.

Somehow, during our conversation, Liz asked how we were getting to our next place so I told her. Funny thing happened. Liz (from South Carolina) had a Romanian friend from home who had family living in Timisoara. Ok... Liz contacted her friend back home just to see if it was possible to house us for one night while we were on our way to Belgrade. Her friend contacted her family and within 24 hours (just hours before we departed), things were in place.

Upon arriving in Timisoara, we were nearly two hours late, getting in at 11pm. Lau, the brother of the friend of Liz, picked us up at the train station in a church van big enough to carry the four of us (Mark and Caitlin traveled with us) plus our packs. He had a smile on his face and did not complain about us being two hours behind. We rode to his house and on the way Lau said some very funny things to me...

"I thought you might be angels, I had to pick you up" "My daughter wanted to stay up to meet you, she asked 'are they beautiful?'"

Wow, talk about a mindset of a servant. I wonder if we all thought like that? Could we really be entertaining angels? Interesting. Of course, I know I'm no angel, but just the thought of serving and the joy seen in Lau's face while doing it is enough to convince me of God's perfect provision when we step out in faith. The only direction we had was that we knew we had to meet up with Seven Camels and Unwritten in Montenegro. God answered the question of how.

So we arrived late at their house. Lau's mother had a warm meal of meat and potatoes on the table already prepared for us. We sipped tea, we ate pancakes with jam, and we had full beds prepared with linens. I am still amazed to think about it. How does something like this happen without God's intervention. I had no expectations of this, but we were blessed beyond belief. Then, to top it all off, breakfast and a ride back to the train station nearly 6 hours later.

How I desire the heart and attitude of Christ. I long for it. I speak a blessing over Lau's household. May they be protected and blessed for their servant hearts. Totally in awe of God's favor.

Smiles to pray for

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 00:00:00 GMT

AWAKENING. BRASOV, ROMANIA.

PASSION. KINGDOM. WORSHIP.

GENERATION. MY GENERATION.

LOVE. HEALING. PROPHESY.

RISE UP. SPEAK OUT. SEE THEM DRY BONES MOVE!

These are some words from this past week. Over 200 World Racers gathered together in Brasov, Romania for the first Awakening. It was a time of prophetic worship for our generation - our multi-generational generation. Four squads that are currently on the field with about 30 alumni Racers plus coaches and speakers were present. It was an intense 4 days ushering in the Spirit in order to grow more in our anointing and closer to the heart of our Savior. It's still all about His love - God's desire to heal and bring freedom to His children all over the world.

I love my K-squad. More than ever. I admire their growth and words and hopes and hugs. There were breakthroughs, freedom, truth, tears, repentance, and prayers for the 42 Racers I've been with these last seven weeks. Reconciliation, communication, and forgiveness. As they are learning how to be together functioning as the Body of Christ I see them more and more live as Christ in their own lives. They are beautifully His.

We are moving on to our third country. The six teams of the K-squad have been paired together to reach Serbia, Croatia, and Hungary this next month. They are asking the Lord for direction and seeking new ministry contacts and opportunities in countries where the World Race has yet to open. They were really excited at this new adventure - I think, especially after coming off of this past week filled and encouraged in the Spirit. These are men and women ready to seek the Lord and be the light that they are called to be. Here are some smiles to keep praying for along our journey:

Friendly faces from my September '07 D-squad together again!

K-squad team leaders

August 2009 K-squad

K-squad leaders - stunning, I know.

Thanks for your prayers and support! God is moving in huge ways through these teams and leaders. God is faithful in all He does and is asking of us all. Please continue praying for me and my financial needs throughout this adventure. Blessings to you! (Enjoy the fall colors for me!)

40 cent loaf becomes a feast

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 00:00:00 GMT

There are so many stories I could share with you about the past few weeks. God continues to bless and guide each moment since we've landed in Romania on the 1st of this month. After two nights in Bucharest I left on a whirlwind of train travel for 24 hours with two teams headed into Moldova for ministry.

In order to check in with Brian and Stacy and the four teams that are serving in Romania I left Moldova this past Monday. That's the story I want to share.

I woke up. Packed. I have this system and in less than 30 minutes my bag was ready.

French toast was prepared. Dessert for breakfast. Blessings from heaven.

The phone rang. The hope I had in travel plans were shattered. I hate getting lost. And I'm horrible with directions. I was hearing too many people give too many directions to maybe getting me to where I needed to be. Curled up on the couch the stress began to eat its way into my day.

I needed a short walk away from our house. Why was I upset? Why was I stressed?

Pause.

I was going to miss these teams. I was going to miss the prayers they would pray, the conversations, the growth, and love. I'd see them again in a week, but it made me sad. More than just missing these two teams was the realization that throughout the rest of my life I'm going to deal with this unless I look to God first. I'm going to have pains of leaving. I'm going to miss seeing every step and smile and heartache and healing. I'm not going to see it all in them but I can see the One who loves them the same.

My tearful prayers turned into a cry to the Father. Show me Your heart. Show me Your heart. My gaze went from the sky to the field I was walking in only to spot a man squatting in the all to near distance to take a crap. I made an immediate 180 and headed back to the house with an unbelievable grin.

God, You know me so well. I like to smile and I love to laugh. And in the midst of my stress and fears and tears He showed up to simply remind me everything is still in His control.

Back at the house with less than an hour till departure. I shared my morning's emotional roller-coaster with the Racers. They prayed over me and I was off.

Plans changed even on the walk to the train station. But a final decisions was made. Two trains to Bucharest and then a bus to Targu Mures. Done.

I hopped on the train with the 40 cent loaf of bread I had bought the day before. It's all I thought I needed - that could last me. Simple. I can endure.

God's faithfulness showed up again. I met Adriana. She speaks good English and was taking the same train to Bucharest as I was. Even during the 4 hour wait between trains during our travel she invited me over to the home of her friend's parents.

That night I had imagined waiting alone eating my loaf. Instead I was treated with warm Moldovian hospitality and a feast. Caviar, pork, vegetables, bread and cheese, gin and tonic, tea, chocolate, and apple strudel. The most filling meal in days.

Afterwards, Adriana and I got back on our train to Bucharest. I have a new friend there now.

Arrive in Romania. Led by a taxi driver directly to the bus I need to take me to Brian and Stacy six hours north. Arrived tired but grateful.

I was taken care of 100% of the way. Still I am amazed at how good our God really is. With as much as I don't tangibly possess He continues to provide grace and love in my life. Here is a verse I read the day we arrived in Romania:

He has caused His wonderous works to be remembered; the Lord is gracious and merciful. He provides food for those who fear Him; He remembers His covenant forever.

Psalm 111: 4,5

Adriana and her boyfriend's parents, Alex and Maria, at their house.

Midnight Mind Wanderings

Sat, 29 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Usually there's a lesson I've been learning or something, right?

After a week in Dublin I took a bus to Coleraine, Northern Ireland. This is where four of the six teams in the K-squad have been their first month of ministry working with a Vineyard church. Throw me into a place with double the people and complete change of culture and schedules - whoa, it took me a few days to readjust. Crazy life of a World Racer part two. This time I'm able to be not just with one team but with six different teams that create six different cultures and six different communication styles. Super.

Actually I'm really enjoying it. After the initial shock factor.

...oh, here we go. I know what I can share with you...

When I got to Coleraine I finally got some time to meet with Brian and Stacy. appreciate them SO much. We began chatting in person about the Racer's first week. And not even consciously knowing it myself before I spat it out, I said, "I am so glad I love these kids because there's no way I could do this without that." Love. Yea, I really do love and believe in each of these new Racers.

So, how do I put this. Being with them I've been able to share my World Race testimony and who I am dozens of times. I deeply treasure those times because of the glory it brings the Lord. God's done SO much with me since the day I stepped onto the first plane in September two years ago. I smile most when they don't believe I was once a shy girl living in religion that didn't care for people all that much. Each time I share me I'm fully sharing His glorious love and work in me. Love. Yea, I really do love God and His people - learning and growing each new day with lots of grace and mercy :)

We need more of this. More Kingdom. More honest and reckless love that changes lives and nations and generations. More freedom from lies and comfort and safety...

I was listening to a sermon from a podcast of Substance Church the other night. Explaining what it really means to be a disciple they shared the words of Jesus in Luke 9. Are we used to the concentrated dose of what our Savior is really asking of us? To follow Him means that it will NOT be comfortable and NOT be convenient as you GIVE UP your own agenda and old way of life. How can we do that? What does that look like - if in fact we will get to do the things Christ did and even greater?

Yea, I really get to do this. >>>More than a program or trip. We get to be Christ on earth. I get to share His love in ways that I NEVER could have imagined unless I gave up my comfort, convenience and agenda.

Thank You, God!

And thanks for reading this...it's helpful to have an outlet. This processing helps to know I'm not doing this alone. I appreciate you, you lovely little blog reader you.

K, I got the sniffles and a cough and it's late. I'm going to bed...

Part of the 1:45AM crew...

This one day at a train station...

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I've been trying. Really I have been. But I just can't seem to get the right words written to explain the last few days.

>>>The other morning I was glancing through my Bible for some hope for the day. I got to 1 Peter and found my verse:

Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good?

Zealous!? Yes! For those of you who don't know me, when I am fully myself I am fully passionate and excited with an enthusiastic child-like faith. I'm positive and optimistic towards just about anything. But the word "zealous" that is used...wow. Zealous: having or showing zeal, great energy or enthusiasm in pursuit of a cause or an objective. Yup. [This permission from God's word allows for even more freedom in my life - not all the time do I feel my zealous-ness is well received by others. Too bad for them that's how I was made.]

WATCH THE VIDEO Trying to take ALL of what the Lord is doing, and not understanding most of it, I decided to verbalize and share my excitement and joy. I'm wet after playing in the rain at a park earlier that afternoon. I'm maybe still in shock at the beauty and love of our Lord. So, here I am waiting for a train to get me back to another team I've been staying with in Dublin.

Roles of a Squad Leader - Week 1

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

One week in and I'm getting a feel for being in such a different role doing the Race a second time.

Allow me to share with some things I get to do for my "job"...

Strictly enforce the World Race dress code

Communicate and build relationships with team leaders and local contacts

Monitor the intense jump roping before the kids clothesline themselves

Continue any and all fun during games of Ultimate with as many people as possible

Capture the smiles and hearts of Racers as they touch the lives of kids everywhere

Thank you for your love and support! I am 10% to my goal.

Click SUPPORT ME! to the left for an opportunity to join me more fully in this adventure.

God bless you!

Irish Eyes are Smiling

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Seriously!? This is where we are. Me, Brian and Stacy Alonzo leading and loving on 42 fantastic new World Racers. Wow.

Through the exhaustion of Launch training the passed few days I remembered how much I adore this country. The last time I was here was in 2002. It was my first missions experience with AIM. And now I'm back. And the Lord is probably smiling down on me. Oh, such a crazy journey.

I've gotten over the shock factor of entering new countries and cultures. It excites me now to see Kingdom across the nations and in the hearts of so many. My eyes are OPEN and my face hurts from grinning. I love this. Eventually I may get the right words to describe where exactly I am but for now I'll let one of the K-squad chick's blog tell you what some of us have been up to:

Posted in Ireland by Andrea Pasquan on 8/16/2009

We recently found out our ministry assignment for Ireland! My team, Benkadi, will be serving at the Dublin Christian Mission, the second oldest mission in the world. We'll be working specifically with their ministry to the homeless, the Light House.

We have been staying at a campground in Clondalkin and had some training and now we are moving over to the Mission in the heart of Dublin. My whole team is excited and ready to rock!

"here are some pics of our experience thus far

After arriving at the Dublin airport, waiting for the other squad's arrival.

Please pray for the people of the city we encounter and serve. I will give you an update soon. Love from Dub-town.

WE'RE IN IRELAND!!

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Hello! The K-squad has made it to Dublin! We're a little tired but overall it was a good flight. We'll be waiting for the J-squad to arrive with Aaron in a little bit before we all bus out to begin our adventures in Ireland! The team leaders are waiting for us all at the campsite and we've got a good day planned ahead of us.

Brian, Stacy, and I are pretty excited! Not only are we finally in the same country together again but we get to do this for real!

(It took about 5 tries to get a "good" picture. Yea, we're hot.)

World Race Promo Video - by Kim Daniels

Sun, 9 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Seeking to wake up a generation...

An Ultimate Blessing

Thu, 6 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

I want God. I want God's presence. His voice. His love. His power in my life. His freedom. His grace and mercy.

I want God to show up in mighty ways. I want the people around me to feel His presence and know His love. I want to see generations and nations come to Him fully. I want to see His Spirit moving in the lives of young people.

It's been a while. I've returned to the states after two great months of leading my Real Life team. It ended so much better than I anticipated. I released the girls back into the "real world" last week and have so much faith and hope for God to continue doing great things in their lives.

And then I needed to pass out. During our last ten days of ministry in San Jose, Guatemala I met a parasite and he took me down. I've been trying my best to slowly rest and recover the past 2-3 weeks. This is the worst souvenir ever.

I've been "home" in Georgia for a little over a week now checking in with friends and re-packing. This morning I made the hour commute to the Adventures in Missions base in Gainesville to get final paper work signed before my departure next week with the World Race K-squad. As I was driving one main thing kept coming to mind: "I don't know!" I don't know how to raise more support. I don't know how to speak into people's lives. I don't know how to love others. I don't know how to keep my friends close. I don't know how to be a squad leader.

Ha, this is actually a good spot. A little tense at the moment but good spot to be in - God's in control! 150%! So, all this was leading me into my prayers this morning with God. We were talking and I asked Him to show me something new about Himself today.

I get to AIM and collect my paperwork so my afternoon could include a sweet game of Ultimate! I'm still sweaty as I type this. I get there with Seth Barnes, Jr. - who was on the Race with me - and Zach Parish - who was on the July 2008 World Race squad. Check it out: The Kingdom of God is HUGE...and yet reminds me constantly how small this world is. I played with Erin and her dad Mark Almand. I first met them 6 years ago on a two-week AIM trip to England and haven't seen them since!

Even greater blessing was when we were done playing. After the game the five of us - Mark, Erin, Seth, Zach, and myself - simply prayed and called out to God for His leading in all of our lives; each of us is going in different directions continuing to build Kingdom all over the world. Mark prayed last for all of us. He listened to the voice of God and brought us a divine reminder. He encouraged us all to remember our relationship with God. That relationship is to be refreshed and renewed. All of us have kinda been believers for a while so to see God in new ways and delight in Him with childlike faith is inviting, beautiful, and sweet.

How great God is to know that for all of us - leaving the country or heading to school - we all needed to hear the most important fuel is our relationship with Him as it is ever-growing with fresh intimacy and passion. Oh, to delight in Him every time as if it were the first time!

I leave in 5 days to co-lead the August 2009 World Race squad.
Thanks to South Lyon UMC of Michigan and Saybrook UMC of Ohio for their donations.

If you would like to support me and join the journey click "SUPPORT ME!"
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Climbing into Community

Wed, 8 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

First, if you have time I recommend you read a blog from one of my Real Life girls. Click Here.

One of the hardest things as believers in Christ is to actually live as believers in Christ...together. The Church. The Body. We really do get to do this together. Strengths covering weaknesses. Grace covering faults. Love covering all. The challenge I've seen in the states though is that in most circumstances we allow ourselves to have an escape. We have our own cars. Own rooms, houses, jobs, space to run to when other people are bugging the junk out of us. We've got that freedom...when really it's a trap. You're not challenged. You don't grow. You're not encouraged. You can't see or practice unconditional love if you're prone to the easy escape route - ditch when things get hard. I think a lot of how we're shaped throughout life is by the things/people we choose into and stay committed to. No matter what.

People told me that that hardest thing on the World Race would be the community. I didn't understand that at first but you learn to love and hate it. But the love always wins even in the bad days. True solid community is a nutrient our spirit hungers for. Whether broccoli or chocolate flavored. Whether midnight meetings or afternoon lunch. Whether hard truth or slap-happy laughter. Whether in a bar or at church. Community is the people around you all working and living and loving for the same God no matter how broken and human we are.

This is kinda scattered as I'm about to meet with my team in a few minutes before calling a good friend back home. But I simply wanted to tell you that I've been learning and re-learning a lot about community, reconciliation, and the love of God's people. Like Rebekah's blog was saying...the most productive of all ministries has been that of our own team. Learning how to work when you don't have an easy escape route. Choosing in when you'd rather serve yourself by choosing out. We are all growing and being stretched and challenged in different ways just by living and serving together.

This past Sunday we climbed Pacaya Volcano here in Guatemala. These girls are amazingly strong and love finishing difficult tasks. They were dertermined and, I think, quite encoruaged by the end to have finished the 4 hour hike. It was memorable. Their attitudes glowed with praise for each other as we nearly passed out on the ride home. Oh, God thank You for those moments spent together! Check out our day in pictures...

Real Life Expedition Team at Pacaya Volcano

Yes, the hike was that steep.

Beautiful sight of heaven half way up our hike.

Rebekah roasting marshmallows...how cool!

Katie! And lava!

Liz and the lava!

Fearless leader looking for a good lava spot to roast the mallow!

View heading down...thank You, Lord, for Your creation!

Avocados and Flowers

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

We've found paradise. Our team's ministry time in Candelaria, Nicaragua has come to an end and we're spending today and tomorrow with our hosts in and around Granada before our flight to Guatemala on Sunday. We've been truly blessed during our month in Nicaragua and some quality time being together its beauty is simply breathtaking.

Really? Thanks for being here, God!

I'm typing this now on our patio outside of our room. The air is cool and still. I can hear the chirp of bugs, the team downstairs, and Lindsey with her piccolo in the backyard. The diamond-like stars are out tonight and every now and then you can see lightning in the distance. Before the sun went down we could see the entirety of the lake we're staying on that's walled in by mountains and volcanos. God is a master artist.

His designs are perfect and His love is unending. He chose each of us to be a part of these two months in Central America. Each for different reasons that we're still trying to figure out. But His intentions are pure and His calling is holy. He wants us!

Humbled each day, I am grateful for the chance to walk, trip, and leap on the path God has for me. I've learned so much in the few short weeks I've been leading these girls. More of myself has to die to the Holy Spirits leading. More of my pride and control need to be laid down before His thrown. I knew I couldn't do this alone. Yet, I've been more frustrated that ever trying to put those small words into practice.

During training camp all God repeated to me was, "I want them. I want them. I want them." God wants these girls. They are His. They've never been mine to lead.

Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, serving as overseers-not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.
1 Peter 5: 2, 3

He LOVES His children SO much. And I've only just begun to live that over the past year. I've been exhausted and running on fumes occasionally this past month because I NEED Him. 'Cause I can't love on my own. For such a time as this, these young women deserve to know/live His love.

Just some of my thoughts. I'm doing really well - and do enjoy the Lord's pressing and teaching into my life. I'll miss the friends we met in Nicaragua and hope to return again some day. This is a picture of me and Johanna. I met her last year and she was terribly sad to see me leave again. She said she'll remember how I liked avocados and flowers.

Thanks, God, for being in the details. Thanks for being here!

Seth's Blog today - Letter to his daugher's friends

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Hey! God is SOOO good! Though my immediate family was all married by 23...I'm nearly 24 1/2 and single and pretty pumped about the road God's taken me on!! I'm beautiful and worth the wait. I'm in a great content place and my heart is peacefully whole. So, even our team here in Nicaragua had a singles party last night to celebrate :) I've written bits and pieces about this topic but I liked the wisdom and truth that I read from Seth today. Thought some of the other single ladies might as well...

http://www.sethbarnes.com/?filename=a-letter-to-my-daughters-friends

Karen and I have four daughters between the ages of 20 and 25. They are entering the stage of looking more intentionally for a life partner. Serious business. I'm not always invited to the conversation and I'm cool with that - they need their space. At some point when they make their final decision, they all know the guy has to come seeking my permission/blessing. We're playing for keeps here.

My daughters have a multitude of friends in the same boat as them. And we've got hundreds of young, single women on the World Race, some of whom feel like spiritual daughters to me by the time they finish. I look at them with great pride and want nothing more than to see them matched up with a man who will see them as the prize they are. Mostly I wonder if I have anything of value to say to them about this issue of "finding the right guy."

However, as a guy, I do have a few words that might help them better understand where guys are coming from. So I decided to write this letter:

Dear ladies,

By now I trust you've figured out that guys are pretty uncomplicated. The picture above says it all. We basically want food and we want to not embarrass ourselves too badly as we try to manage our libido. If one of us tells you he loves you, basically what he means is, "I think you can help me meet these two needs of mine."

Yes, we periodically get our act together and put on a good show, but I estimate that 95% of all guys in their 20's, if they were being gut-level honest with you, would admit that this is true. It doesn't mean that we can't eventually be trained to be different, but that is how we start out.

Therefore, NEVER trust a guy's motivations when he says he loves you. Your job is not to get him to say "I love you" - hey, we're taught to say that as a part of the mating dance humans do! Even birds do better than that! Your job is to figure out, "Does this guy, who looks hot on the outside, but on the inside understands as much about me as my pet hamster, have the capacity to make a concerted multi-year effort to try and learn about me? Will he always be one step up from a Neanderthal?" Because it truly will take many years before he begins to stop looking at you through the lens of his two basic needs.

I'm sorry to have to break the news to you in this way. God set it up this way so that we would be perpetually motivated to try and please you women.

However, this fact of life is what makes the job of trying to find the right guy so difficult. You can't trust what your guy says because he has no track record of understanding a woman, let alone putting that woman's needs first. Whatever he says, he only ultimately wants to meet his two needs. I personally know there are some wonderful Spirit-filled guys out there, but there are few exceptions to this rule. I'm always skeptical when a woman tells me she's found one.

And complicating your task, you may well feel as though you don't even understand or trust yourself too well.

So, I hear some of you asking, "How can I figure out the fit with any guy I like?" No easy answers. I'm just trying to help you get closer to reality. Let me offer you a tool in hopes that it will help. What I suggest is that you apply Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (MHN) to your situation.

MHN states that people are motivated to meet needs. Once you meet the basic physical needs, you can move on to higher level needs like belonging and self-esteem. As I made clear, most guys live in the basement of this diagram. And the trade that they propose to you when they say "I love you," is this: You meet my physical needs, and I will meet yours (i.e. provide for and protect you)."

If this is enough for you, then God bless you, go for it. But for most women it is not enough. They want the higher needs too: They want to belong to a tribe and they want to feel good about their contribution in life. Can your man commit to subordinating his needs long enough to listen to your heart? For example, if you have a heart for orphans, will he set aside his comfort or aspirations to listen to what your heart is saying? If you have a heart for adventure, will he regularly encourage you to go on adventures, or will he, having satisfied his own two needs, leave you frustrated?

Then there is the need for self-actualization. Let me tell you, the men who will actually take the risks necessary to support your dreams are rare indeed. They may want to help you, but chances are, they are uninitiated and never learned how to take a proper risk. A few guys love their women to that degree and I bless them. They are a credit to the species.

I guess the bottom line of what I'm say is this: Don't settle. You are worth it. Your dreams are worth it. And somewhere out there, for many of you, God has a guy who, with a little work, is worth it.

Love 'em & Leave 'em

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Falling in love with God's people is kinda what we do. We are told to love earnestly with a pure heart. Earnestly - showing sincere and intense conviction. We want to get past the "Hello" and "How do you do?" - or in the present circumstance - "Hola" y "Come estas?" The Lord made and loves community. He designed the Body to grow and live and be together. God gives us more than divine intimacy with Him while we're here on earth. He offers the gift of being intricately connected with other people and believers around the world.

I was thinking about this just the other day. It's great! One of the best things I've received the past 2 years as I've grown is a better appreciation and understanding of community and loving others.

But we leave.

11 months on the World Race you fall for and leave 11 different sets of contacts, friends, and places. It's hard. Throughout the 10 months I've been back in the states the trend kinda continued. I started in Michigan before moving to Georgia but ended up traveling all over again anyway. I don't think I had an entire month where I would stay in one single state. I was in and out. Even though each time I spent with friends - whether it be a week serving at training camp or an hour talking in a parking lot - was its own divine appointment, it was hard. Because eventually I had to leave.

And I'm doing it again. In 16 days our team will leave the people of Candelaria, Nicaragua to begin new ministry in Guatemala till the end of July. We love it here. And deep within me I was thinking of how I could prepare myself for the next 6 months of my life which will include a lot of loving and leaving once again. It hurts. So, why?

I shared this with my girls the other day and Rebekah returned to me later with some hope and truth.

Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God. Whenever I pray, I make my requests for all of you with joy, for you have been my partners in spreading the Good News about Christ from the time you first heard it until now. And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. So it is right that I should feel as I do about all of you, for you have a special place in my heart. You share with me the special favor of God, both in my imprisonment and in defending and confirming the truth of the Good News. God knows how much I love you and long for you with the tender compassion of Christ Jesus. [Philippians 1:3-8]

She explained how she could read Paul's words saying, "It's OK. We're going to miss people." This comforted my heart a bit seeing how Paul kinda did the same thing as we are - traveling and going where the Lord leads while intentionally loving people along the way without reserve.

What did Paul do about it? Rebekah continued to break it down for me: he wrote them, thanked God for them, prayed for them, encouraged them, shared life with them, and kept up with them. Paul developed lasting relationships with them for the advancement of the Kingdom.

Just because we are away from family and friends doesn't make them less of who they are in our lives. Through prayers and encouragement and blessings I try to remind people of the amazing ways they've inspired and touched my life. The same continues with the smiles I've met around the world. Through and in these relationships its God Who gives you a strong heart. A growing heart. Maybe that's where the difficulty and pain comes into this - they're simply growing pains as our hearts are expanding to love as Christ loves.

I'm learning a lot here. And was super glad Rebekah dove into this for me as we were trying to figure out the purpose of loving and leaving. Your thoughts?

Good days...

Sun, 7 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

My days leading this team have been divinely designed. I knew from the beginning - even before I was put into this position - that I couldn't do it alone. Here's are some examples of how we're radically living by simply following the voice and heart of our Father...

**Woke up to run. Muddy. An excuse to turn back over and rest some more. Opened a book to begin my time with the Lord. I'm reading some about Peter and his life following after Jesus. Good morning...still thankfully amazed that I am living this out in Nicaragua right now...

**Linda arrives at our site with a bus of 20 Americans who are expected to put on a youth event throughout the day. The leaders and interpreters pray for God's schedule.

**Rosa - an old Nicaraguan woman who is a powerful intercessor for the church there - is there that morning. After we pray as leaders Linda pull us all and the other American team to pray for Rosa because she has been sick recently and has had two strokes in the past.

**As we are praying for Rosa I feel like Katie from our team should at least go with Rosa to her doctor appointment today to cover the whole situation in prayer. It ended up that Katie, Liz, and Rebekah went with Rosa to the doctor along with Diego and Evan. [Doctor visits and grocery runs fully involved in the culture kinda wrapped up their fun afternoon.]

**That morning Linda shared a word of encouragement with the American team. I sat eagerly listening and watching the youth...God gave me a word to share too and I could hardly wait...

**I had seen this guy while we were praying for Rosa. His eyes are stunning. God spoke. Discernment, and also David. I was thinking his name could be David but when I asked he said his name was Jared Alan. I encouraged him to pray into people and situations and God would give him holy and Kingdom eyes to see what others may miss. When others only see a Goliath Jared will see the bigger God that wins. Later he told me that his dad and brother were named David. His dad is a prayer leader in the church and his older brother is walking away from the Lord. What I was sharing with him confirmed some of what he had been talking about the night before. It was a blessing to share that with him.

JARED

**Re-met Kate. She works with Book of Hope and is helping to lead and coordinate this youth group from the states. We actually first met at the home of Tom and Cindy Sipling in Gordon's Bay, South Africa last year when I was on the Race.

(Kate is on the left in the blue)

**Did the dishes Nicaraguan style. I think I got laughed at in Spanish. A lot.

**At the end of a long day we enjoyed a family meal with our team and the guys. We hung out playing cards, learning Spanish, and living in community. We're choosing into each other and walking into the opportunities around us. I'm being so blessed!

Yes, they're swinging with goats.

Me gusta mucho!

There's nothing else I can do [Part 2]

Tue, 2 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Click here to read part one.

When I returned the the states after 11 months of being on the World Race there was a question proposed to me many times that I wasn't expecting.

"Would you do it again?"

"Heck, no!"

I was kinda certain that my life would never include another 11 months like the ones I had just experienced. Well, for one I didn't want to knowingly go into something that intense or painful again - as wonderfully growing and beautiful as it was. And two, the World Race is designed to initiate God's people into their role in the Kingdom in this life on earth - I didn't need a second initiation. The vision God placed in my life was to raise up a generation of youth and young adults in the states. I was thinking I could stick around for a while.

The door got cracked open a few short weeks ago.

"Would you consider leading a World Race team?"

But, actually I don't think the leadership...that fantastically gifted staff of the World Race sounded quite as polite/gentle/nice when they asked me this. They're bold in the ways of the Lord...and God probably already told them I was ready for this.

It's been quick. I finished work and life - in a way - in Lilburn, Georgia on May 24. That evening I drove up to join the World Race on their third day of training camp. Literally as I was giving rounds of hugs and meeting Brian and Stacy Alonzo I was pretty much being told that they would be my co-leaders for this August 2009 World Race squad. Dude, when you say YES to the Lord...He takes you seriously and takes you for a ride!

Brian and Stacy Alonzo

<....and so, I've never really led anything before. I'm just a ragamuffin running towards the King. Broken. Humbled. and learning in faith the things I need to for each day...'cause I can't do this alone...>

Real Life Expedition Team - 2 month trip to Nicaragua and Guatemala

Rebekah, Lindsey, me, Katie and Liz on top

The past week has been crazy with WR training and leader training and Real Life training for the team I'm leaving with in 2 days. June 3 I will leave with a GREAT team of four girls. We will rock for the Kingdom as we seek miracles and adventure in Jesus' name. We'll return July 28 and I return again to join the August "K" Squad August 9...staying out with them 3-4 months.

August 2009 World Race K squad - 11 months through Europe, Middle East, Africa and Asia

One of the first squad pictures I found of them online...couldn't make it to the end of training.

There's tons more I could say about this journey. It's more than the World Race, more than short term trips, more than AIM or a program...this is Kingdom! I pray you continue to join me in this! Through pray - not just for me but for the hundreds of people, like you, that are/can grow in the Lord through His obedient disciples loving Him and loving His people today. And in any financial way of support you are being led in...$10,000 is needed throughout the next year - click here. Thank you so much for your love and kindness towards me! Bless you with power and grace to live boldly each day! Fall madly in love with the King of Kings!

...there's nothing else I can do...

That's a Great Wall!!

Sat, 23 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

We finally finished the youth wall yesterday! The youth here in Lilburn, Georgia are A-mazing! I love them a lot and will miss them while I'm away. They were the perfect help and added SO much greatness to their youth room. Check it out...

Walking into the church from the outside entrance:

What you would see on the walls of the hallway:

Entering the youth room there's this little nook:

Inside the youth room we kept it simple because of the variety of groups that use it. These are actually some of the youth:

What we wanted to put up on the walls was an expression of God alive and active in the world today. It is God who influences all areas of our lives with His love and passion. He is the same powerful and AWESOME Lord who walked with Moses and is walking in the halls of this Church and schools where these youth get to be Christ on earth.Through words, music, culture, dance, and arts this is an expression of the excitement God has for this generation that rocks out while bringing Kingdom to earth!

There's nothing else I can do [Part 1]

Sun, 17 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Before I get into what I've been up to I want you to know a great woman.

Her name is Cheryl. I work with her in the evenings coaching gymnastics. During her day job she actively and passionately serves as the executive director of a non-profit organization. "Human Development Resource Council, Inc. (HDRC) produces and internationally distributes high quality multi-media materials based on sourced and documented medical research in order to equip children, students, adults, professionals, and researchers with current scientific knowledge on the subjects of embryonic and fetal development, reproduction and abortion options, and sexual health. " Cheryl's story and faith are fully devoted to this cause despite misunderstanding and persecution that she has faced. As I was having coffee with her the other week she simply said, "There's nothing else I can do." Her obedience thrills me. Though there may be opportunities for a better paying job - one that's easier and less controversial - she faithfully stays where the Lord has called her to use her heart and gifts to change lives.

Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.
James 4:13-17

Since returning to the states after a crazy year around the world I've tried most everything to "get back into the swing of things"...
I moved into a house in Georgia - pleasantly and mostly rent free.

I got a part-part time job coaching - patiently teaching 5 year olds the art of the straddle jump.

Applied to every other part time job locally - currently unimpressed with online job sites.

Sent in my video to Cirque du Soleil - politely yet unfortunately turned down.
And have traveled a lot around the states - finally and happily seeing faces I've missed for a long time.

Which brings me here. I have been running around in a way. Planning my own way. The indecisive fueling power behind it has been a mix of disobedience along with exercises in trust. I just didn't want to live off of support and try the whole mission "trip" thing again. I wouldn't even entertain the idea. I thought I knew how I was going to live for God. I thought to myself that if I had spent my year out of the states to finally have a heart and hope for America I can finally settle myself here. Right?

Nope.

>>>A growing hope for this generation and pressing intimacy with my Lord has led me out again! At the end of this month I will be leading a team into Central America. Again I get to partner with Adventures in Missions and be a part of their desire of discipling and waking up a generation of Kingdom building young people. I get to! And I would love your prayers and support to be involved too! About $700 is still needed in my AIM account to help me through the next two months. Plus, great prayer support can really empower and encourage all the leaders and participants headed out into the world with AIM this summer.

[Click here for a donation to the Real Life program]

Make checks payable to Adventures in Missions with my name in the memo to:

Adventures in Missions

P.O. Box 534470

Atlanta, Ga 30353-4470

May 26th I will go to Gainesville, GA for leader training at the AIM base. After the participants arrive a couple days later we will fly down to Nicaragua June 3. >>>Much more details about Central America along with other opportunities for my involvement with AIM will come when they happen. Each day seems like a new adventure instead of a merry-go-round...

There's nothing else I can do.

Love God. Love others. No boundaries included.

Our generation wants to change the world. And while that's a good thing and we should chase our dreams with reckless abandon, we need to be careful. Careful we don't get so busy our priorities inadvertently change, losing our heart or harming relationships. Careful we don't become self-relient, as that leads to isolation and pride. And careful we don't get so consumed with the thing we're doing for God, that we lose Him in the process.
Cameron Strang, founder and editor of Relevant Magazine

One Day Without Shoes

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Through an invitation on Facebook I participated in the nationwide One Day Without Shoes campaign sponsored by tomsshoes.com. Their idea was to take a stand against the preventable deaths around the world simply because some people aren't able to have shoes. Tomsshoes.com also does this one for one thing that gives a pair of shoes to someone in need around the world with every pair of shoes purchased. Sounded pretty cool.

I wasn't able to make it to any of the concerts or festivities that the One Day had to offer, but I was rather curious about what a day without shoes would bring...so I figured why not. The first time I tried to go without shoes was the first time I went down to Swaziland. They call them "Africa feet." Tough, calloused, and well worked feet. I took my shoes off to play soccer with the kids and that only lasted about 20 minutes. They laughed. I humbly smiled back and enjoyed the moment of simply Africa.

Overall the day awakened me to the blessings I take for granted. My feet had never hurt that much before. A simple pair of shoes saves us from a lot. And from only one day barefoot I only got one piece of glass stuck in my foot. But it wasn't really the pain I got to endure or the experiential stories I could tell that kept me shoeless. It was the Swazi kids.

Those precious angels that made me smile since the first time I met them over three years ago. Last year when our World Race team was there we had the chance to clean, clothe, and provide shoes for dozens of orphans. Their faces lit up as they danced around in the dirt showing off even their brand new underwear to their friends. No joke. I love that country and all of the people there who have showed me love and life in spite of their dying physical conditions.

The world is a lot bigger than me or you. If one day without shoes helps you see that then rock on and try something new.

Spent

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

It's been a full day. Spent. I haven't felt like this in a very long time. The kind of exhaustion that happens to a body when you allow the Holy Spirit to fully be used through you for God's glory. You give all you have to give till there's nothing left to give.

It started out just me and God. I woke up and headed to the church to work on this youth mural I've been helping with since November...it'll get done. For a couple of solo hours I was able to talk with Daddy and listen to His heart for this youth group. I was able to take joy in how He created me and the things He's allowed me to do to further His Kingdom. It was a pretty chill morning just hanging out with the One who loves me just for me. After some busy and distracting days lately I needed some of that personal time.

Afterwards I waited for some friends to head downtown into Atlanta. See, after reading my Racing buddy's blog the other day I was fueled again with a passion to pray! I invited some people to head into the city and simply walk the streets in prayer...see what happens as we seek God's heart for Atlanta.

Whoa, and His presence followed us the whole afternoon!! An open heart, listening ear, and obedient step can allow for His glory and miraculous hand to be evident in your life!

Miracles started when the storms of the morning let up and brought us sunshine for the afternoon. As we stepped off the MARTA and got into downtown God began leading my prayers. It started with a simple pray that God may unite and activate the churches to love the city they are in. We walked on and as I learned from the Race I was listening to my bladder. I had to go pee. Dena led us to a street she was familiar with that had a gay bar she knew of. In the mid-afternoon the bar/restaurant only had a few customers. They let us in free of charge to use the bathrooms. Great. Dena wanted to stay.

After a few short hours we left. After I felt a deep desire to call Kingdom over this place. God's hope for the nations, God's will for His kids - that He may be glorified and honored in who we are. He wanted that for this place and I could feel that down to my jumping feet as I shared this with my friends walking back. We left after Dena was talking with us so loudly that simultaneously she was sharing her testimony with every person within ear shot. God loves the poor, the gay, the homeless, the trafficked, the workers, and the churched in Atlanta. Getting off of our couches and being in that bar just for one afternoon was A-mazing. I think it's one of the places Jesus would hang out.

After Atlanta we all went straight to our 20-somethings life-group that evening. What was planned was a continued study of the ten commandments. What happened was Church. We began calling out to God in worship and praise. I was beginning to get tired after an already spiritually loaded day but I couldn't get off this ride yet. I'd had solitude, a few hours of intercession, and now I got to minister to the Body of Christ. There was a new guy, a high schooler, named George. As we sang he shared a bit of his recent life story of how he came back to God. REDEMPTION was the word God gave me for him. That began the next hour and a half of prayer over him with words of life and truth and prophecy. I smiled when God told me to tell him that he was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. (I love prophecy...1 CORINTHIANS 14:1-3) In a way he is: Human with a ninja mix of the Holy Spirit. God was telling him that he's getting the gifts and weapons to fight the spiritual battles in this life. He's a fighter! More and more love and truth was spoken ever this young man's life. He affirmed to me that the Ninja Turtles thing hit right at home with him...he's got season four on DVD. God calls to us exactly where we are!!!

I left small group and made my way home...which brings me here at 130 in the morning. I mentioned in the beginning I hadn't felt this way in a long time. Not even on the Race do I remember soaking in moments like I did today. You want to know a secret...the World Race doesn't end in 11 months. It's the rest of your life...they just don't tell you that upfront. It's in the day to day. It's in the breathing in and breathing out of your daily life as a daughter or son of the King. Yea, a "trip" such as the World Race definitely helps put life in a Kingdom perspective but you can't live in a formatted spiritual high. Don't try.

LIVE in the present moment as a gift, LOVE fully and actively the people around you, and LEARN from God's heart a little more each day. That's what I've gotten since I've been back. The Race was great for me but also terribly hard and painful at times. So much so that I fear I may have given up too quickly and licked my own wounds too long...missing some chances to be fully spent for God's glory. But as it turns out God does not stop wanting to breath miracles through us after traveling around the world - as exotic as that sounds. No. It's about daily choosing in to LOVE, LIVE, and LEARN fully the greatness of ALL who God is, what He has to offer, and how He chooses to use us.

So whether a Racer is now selling phones, substitute teaching, job searching, getting married, or in China...we've learned that it is being spent for the cause of Christ that brings eternal and Kingdom gain! God use us!!

My Jericho

Sun, 1 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

A couple of weeks ago I was hanging out up in Gainesville for a World Race weekend. The first night we all went out to dinner in the big family style. Those conversations within the Race family most times amaze me. Jake was explaining his experience of returning to the Race a second time as a squad leader. He said everyone goes on the Race to run away or avoid something. No matter what when you get home you have to face it. You can't run from it forever. For him it was finances. Seth was sitting next to me and asked, "So, what were you running from?" It took only a minute, "I loved God more than I loved people." He responded in his sometimes wise, old sageness, "Ah, a true monk."

I was afraid to be weak, afraid to me
I was afraid because I didn't want them to see
what's broken in me
But I guess I was wrong
should have known all along
when I am weak You are strong in me

Cause if they're afraid I stand too tall
They'll burn all the bridges and build a wall
But if they know I stumble
the walls might crumble down

Weak, Jason Gray

Fast forward a few days...I was spending time with the Lord one morning. "Read about the wall in Jericho." Oh, OK. I read how ridiculous it must have sounded to everyone but Joshua. Walk around the wall for 7 days and its going to come down? That's what God said to do. And I thought about the amazing things God wants to do with and through us if we just obey. Doesn't have to make sense. In a way it's better and brings God more alive in ones life when you say "yes" and don't have all the answers. "God, what do you want to do with me? Which walls are we gonna break down? Seven? What's special about the seven days? OK, I'm here what do we get to do?"

That night I snuggled in my bed. My heart was joyful after an evening spent with some great people at our Thursday small group. I spent some time talking with the Lord...talking with myself as well. Passing time, I thought, "Hmm, if I could have dinner with anyone, anyone, who would that be?" I thought for a moment and came with seven kinda quickly: Grandma, Carrie, Ashley, Evan, Maria, Mr. Sorrell, and Dad. It occurred to me that they all have something in common. I didn't choose it on purpose, but all of them are people in my life that I hardly if ever get to see and rarely talk to. There are walls. God, we're gonna break some down.

These were my seven. Still walking in a cautious obedience yet an excited passion I spent the next seven days for each of them. I spent each day in prayer simply waiting for what God was going to do with us. I made phone calls which brought some good conversations or time to catch up. I sent messages of hope and truth and love. I was trying my best. And to be honest my best isn't always that great.

During that week of the seven (and just daily in my life) I am beginning to realize my own limitations, weaknesses, and brokenness - more specifically in the way to truly love His people. And I CAN'T do it on my own. I can't. In my own jealousy and selfish-ambitions I am left with nothing to give to others. In fear I've held back. I've failed before and plan on failing in the future. MAN, THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF GRACE!!! God loves supremely! He LOVES us so intimately and faithfully....AND desires that we love His people too. Woo Hoo!! He knows...dude, He created this LOVE! This crazy upside-down loving raises the dead, heals the sick, brings freedom to the captive, and spares time for a ragamuffin like me.

I saw some walls come down...at least in my life. Oh, I'm learning to love. It hurts. It's frustrating. It's dying to self and diving into grace. And I'm learning how it's unbelievably worth it...

In Christ Jesus freedom from fear empowers us to let go of the desire to appear good, so that we can move freely in the mystery of who we really are.
-Brennan Manning, Ragamuffin Gospel